I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
