I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
