Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
