woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
