Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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