you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
