You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
