he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
