Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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