Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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