check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
