Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
