I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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