I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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