Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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