Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
