do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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