you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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