Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
