If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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