Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
