I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
