If that was your dad, he is hot
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
