I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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