Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
