I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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