So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
