they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
