I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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