I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
