i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
