the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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