we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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