Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
