It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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