my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
are you so shy because you have an std?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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