I think i peed on brittanys purse
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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