This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
