Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
