I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
