we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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