Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
