and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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