If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You're a waste of cheezeits
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
