Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
