The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I AM VODKA MAN
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
