his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
