I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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