I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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