if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
