Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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