return my video game
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
