sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
