mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize