I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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