But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
