we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
home. puking in laundry basket.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
