My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
