I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
