Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
