Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize