So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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