I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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