On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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