i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize