He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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