I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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