We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
