I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im holly from the hills drunk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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