I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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