there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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