My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
