Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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