so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
