I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My life is pants optional.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
