afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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