watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
