Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
