end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
