I puked a lego.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
