Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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