i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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