that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
