Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
