Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
