Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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