We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize