smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
