Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize