Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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