You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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