the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
