so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
