I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was like eating out sand paper
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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