someone get that fucking seahorse.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
