He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
