Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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