Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize