Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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