I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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