Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
